a momentary beauty in an evasive smile

goodbye everyone.
Found my other blog address. No longer going to write here.

It's a choice
to stay
It's a dream
& I wanna wake

You have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
And honey
You can't decide

I'm a drug
Ya don't wanna give up
Smoke your cigarettes
Make your love

You poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide

It's not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, & take a chance
You don't need to soar to emptiness
Float on high, & forever dance alone

Your scared, scared, scared
cuz I feel like home

Hear your voice
Knew right away
If you were here
your eyes would say

There is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
Rivers are red
Its starting to rain

I'm not gonna live for you
or die for you
Won't do anything anymore for you
Cuz you leave me here on the other side
You leave me here on the other side

Not gonna shed one more tear for you
shed one more tear for you
I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you

At least not til Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon

Leave or Stay
Leave or Stay

How do i love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as man strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

I never realized the poem behind or really took time to digest it before the book was taken away from me.
Now it's back, and as i flip over the pages... e sadness sets in. How cute.

Bila aku jatuh cinta
Aku mendengar nyanyian
1000 dewa dewi cinta
Menggema dunia

Bila aku jatuh cinta
Aku melihat matahari
Kan datang padaku
Dan memelukku dengan sayang

Bila aku jatuh cinta
Aku melihat sang bulan
Kan datang padaku
Dan menemani aku

Kat's leaving for a while.
And not too long after, so would I. How time flies. 18 years.

There's sadness leaving everything i built up behind. There's sadness looking back knowing this is the place i've called home for so long and the place i found love. It gets harder when i am only reminded of the comfort i once had and lost.

Don't dwell in the past. So i say so long and goodbye. New beginning. 

Ok so someone asks why i am back writing here.
Answer: I forgot the other 2 blogs i wrote in.

Weekend was awesome. Surprisingly because e plans unfold till e days arrived.
Fri: gathering at e far east.
Sat: fish soup, goose @ rv. pig ears, tripes, jiao zi @ chinana, onwards to prata mutton curry at e far north.
sun: butt admiration with ball hits down south plus some funny, disturbing, horror movies all in one sitting to the west.

Happy wedding bells:
Yun weds kent
Dini weds baby koala
lei weds yan
zhili weds Mr X
tin wets bed

hahaa. Mommy poko.

Brina is way louder than me. I love her.
Lina is so sweet. She baked me soft roll and fruit tart. I love her.
absolut jkt. i love.
julian was in indo too.
And i got my scrapbook back. finally. 2 yrs...

THeese is my first post in years!!! Hola!

Let's start with the most random things in life right now:

1. Sanjay dutt became my tap dancing fighter pilot boyfriend.
2. Auntie at Omu Rice does not prepare vegetarian rice with onion n mushroom like the Chinese cook does
3. Some of the catholic churches in Singapore actually have pretty contemporary and stylish crosses. Holy Trinity & Divine Mercy. (Hello Hannah & Cass: we meet when the clock strikes 12)
4. Kinabalu shacks aren't cheap. But we gogo ya korean!
5. After much thought, i have decided i am not such a great cyclist to attempt a 45km endurance race. But i will follow the musketeers.
6. I stopped finishing stranger's sentences mid-line. Attempting to stop.
7. Korean ladies have fat fingers. (sorry if you're a korean, it's just an observation. Does not apply to the korean man above)
8. My cousin has a "Sri Regar" added to her official name. We welcome a Batak in our family.
9. Mustafa rocks. Rocks as much as The Beatles.
10. I have 2 decent bottles of red wine and 1 cloudy bay white sitting at home.
11. Sexiest kiss in cinema: Cary Grant & Ingrid's kiss in Notorious.
12. Sembawang MRT brings back good memories. When Julian had to pick me up n carry me cuz i tripped on the stairs while SMSing him. When ISEs went for night cycling n we couldn't cycle on, we took a long breather by the stairs.
13. Jie En is almost as tall as me. Didn't seem too long ago when she baked me a chocolate birthday cake.. i was... 20? Wow.
14. Universal studios aren't half as fun as Disneyland. I like disneyland.
15. A pooing retriever wearing a shirt doesn't look right.
16. 2 beautiful fat corgis go to thomson grooming.
17. And where does bambee261 come from??!

I had my lunch at home. Cooked myself rice, capcay n omelette. Went to taka to watch kat eat. Hold on...actually, she was a darling to accompany me look for a gift. CK tangs n DFS after, i got what i want. And what i was supposed to get.

i am hating all the travels that leaves me pretty lonely during a slow day like today. I absolutely have no problem with hanging out with friends.. I shouldn't generalize. It's only today that i felt especially lonely when i came home. Sometimes i feel good, sometimes i feel like this. I have no complaints, i understand. I wouldn't even tell. hopefully it's just one of those days. I was on the phone and was told that sammy boy's extending his trip for another 1-2 days. 8( i need a hug.

My day began at 10 this morning. Stayed out by katherine's pool talking junque while the late night breeze swooshes past our skin. It was nice basking in the wind. Healthy wind she classified it. It was one of the few occasions when im okay being exposed to e wind. It was the night of exposure. Funny i didn't feel threatened by the uncertainties of what's to come or for anything at all. Sometimes i feel i need a real whack in the head. No sense of self-awareness at all. I just sat there in the wee hours of the morning, enjoying the company, cajoled by the breeze, swayed by shadowy thoughts... two girls, bonded by a blossoming 10 year friendship, looking at the reflections around us on the water, thoughts racing through time... there's something delicately delectable i couldn't explain in words. But whatever it was, i was just glad i was there to enjoy it. little words spoken but i was breathing immense feelings.

The night was pretty fruitful. Our feet took us to cuppage for our stomach-filling highlight of the day: sashimi plate, Samy's curry, winebar, a transit at Great World (i can't believe she never entered any of the toilets before), highlander, macdonalds for some nuggets, and back to regalia.

if there was a song to describe our friendship, i wonder what it would be.

the only song that's playing in my head is ...the water is wide, i can't cross over..neither have i wings to fly...

she watches out for me like a big sister. me...i am just protective of her. I'll throw a hot iron on anyone who hurts her while i run away real fast in a good pair of shoes. (haha. that was part of metta's n my discussion)

last night's humidity pissed me off for various reasons. I was hungry, exhausted and extinguished. Took 95 but ended up travelling the next half of my journey home on a cab. It didn't help coming back to a computer that's been very temperamental the past few weeks. I found myself restarting my computer twice for the past week. TWICE. I've never had to do that.

Then there were the weird-looking fishballs that i've never seen before in the kitchen. I didn't touch it. It would have been nice if they were my favourite + chilli + bawang merah. I was pretty temperamental too i guess. What added to that was probably "You are very naughty" scolding i got the previous night. I didn't wake sammy boy at 10, so it's another week or so before i get to meet him again. He's probably exhausted from all the travelling. Came back for 2 days only to work on weekends till late...

its warm on my favourite spot in the library now. I wonder if my classmates have anything to do with the temperature change. Each time something changes in school, my first suspected culprits would be my classmates who are doing research.

i forgot all my swing moves. sounds far fetched expecting to remember how to swing when i quit right after metta left. I never complete anything. taekwondo. lindy. horse-riding. sprinting. hockey. blowin e sax. class 2b lessons. between e two, i choose salsa. Even tho my mami would like me to take up ballroom. Jul's doc Jeniffer Foo has a strict policy of teaching only couples. Real couples. Oh yes, we know all the scandals. She has an awesome posture at 60+ (i saw her pic in tatler), just like my mami. Those curves built on love for the dance floor.

i crave for gobi manchurian. prawn masala... nyum nyum.

another movie i want to watch: THIS IS ENGLAND.
------
speaking of metta, we conversed online today and her advice to me:

"Hey, self respect, honesty with yourself and others, and respect for others - start with the 3 tenets, then everything else is negotiable.

Bust any of these 3 rules, and you'll be upset with yourself in time to come. trust me."

I'm still the baby. I remembered having arguments with her on the streets. walking out of her on the cab. Throwing a tantrum because of a yucky bowl of fish noodle at tiong bahru market in the morning when yuli was in town. Her bailing me out from troubles in school. she driving me to my first taekwondo class. Pulling me to lindy hop classes. HAHAHAHAH. HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAH. i can't believe i was such a rebel. ThaNks to her anyway. She made me a rebel. I love Metta.

if all goes well, i will have very pretty nephews n nieces.